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| hey guys...so i'm back in naperville but this time it's a lot more relaxing. please, if you can, pray for me as i support raise. this is a bit scary, taking a of faith and trusting God with my future, fully relying on Him to provide. I've worried and stressed a couple of times already. I'm meeting with some people from CASC to support raise and share with everyone where God's leading me. I would really really appreciate your prayers : )
Also, if you're intersted or God's put it on your heart to support me either through prayer or finances, email me your address and i'll send you a support letter. sunnyhu7@gmail.com
New change...i'm going to be leaving Xanga...finally. I think it's about time i graduate to blog. here's my new online journal: http://heartafteryou.blogspot.com/
hope to see you guys there.
It's so nice being home, eating my mom's home cooking, not having to worry about buying groceries for the week. Another huge plus is seeing the CASC family. I have truly miss you all! You guys are truly my brothers and sisters. I wish I could be around more but God's leading me to other places. Come visit Kansas City when you can.
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| Merry Christmas to all you peoples out there. keep it real for Jesus.
I read through Allen Hood's notes on the sermon he preached on Christmas Eve, it just reminded me of how the movie "The Nativity" brought Christ's birth to life for me. In the movie, Mary was just a young girl. When the angel Gabriel revealed to her God's will to put Jesus in her womb, her reply was simply, "Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38) She was so young and she had to endure the criticism, the looks from all her neighbors, condemnation from her friends and family. Later on in Jesus' life, others still believed that He was a child of fornication or a child born out of wedlock (John 8:41). And Joseph...ah Joseph...I fell in love with Joseph when I was watching the movie. He was so determined to sacrifice his life for God's Son. I believe that's why God entrusted Joseph and Mary to raise His only Son. These two loved God, were obedient and faithful.
Too often I let the Bible become a textbook. Its content dead and boring. But when I start asking questions, it comes to life. Here's some questions Max Lucado would like to ask Mary: What was it like watching Him pray? How did He respond when He saw other kids giggling during the service at synagogue? When He saw a rainbow, did He ever mention a flood? Did you ever feel awkward teaching Him how He created the world? When He saw a lamb being led to the slaughter, did He act differently? Did you ever see Him with a distant look on His face as if He were listening to someone you couldn't’t hear? How did He act at funerals? Did the thought ever occur to you that the God to whom you were praying was asleep under your own roof? Did you ever try to count the stars with Him . . . and succeed? Did He ever come home with a black eye? How did He act when He got His first haircut? Did He have any friends by the name of Judas? Did He do well in school? Did you ever scold Him? Did He ever have to ask a question about Scripture? What do you think He thought when He saw a prostitute offering to the highest bidder the body He made? Did He ever get angry when someone was dishonest with Him? Did you ever catch Him pensively looking at the flesh on His own arm while holding a clod of dirt? Did He ever wake up afraid? Who was His best friend? When someone referred to Satan, how did He act? Did you ever accidentally call Him Father? What did he and His cousin John talk about as kids? Did His other brothers and sisters understand what was happening? Did you ever think, That’s God eating my soup?
thank you Jesus for coming, and coming as a baby
by the way, for those of you who can't make it to the One Thing Conference....good news for all of you:
I will be interviewing a couple of people during the conference, so watch for me : ) | | |
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our core group (basically our small group) our leaders are Lindsey (who is in the champagne colored top) and Britta (long brown dress, standing on the very left)
tonight was our unofficial graduation called "the last shabang." the leaders shared some sentimental words to us. some sang songs they wrote. others made mini-movies to make each other laugh. the night ended with a digital year book, basically a slideshow.
seeing all of this, the pictures of everyone from the beginning of the internship to now astounds me with how faithful God is. I'm so thankful, yet quite not grateful enough of how He's so Him and so not me. I came into the internship with so many lies, burdened with baggage I didn’t even know I was carrying because I’ve carried them for far too long. I was way more jacked up than I thought. My heart was sooooo blind. I was totally walking around with a heavy blindfold and I didn’t even know it! I can't even describe to you just how much God has brought light into my darkness, especially all the darkness I was not aware of. Though I would like to say that I'm graduating the internship totally holy and perfect, but the reality is that God's light on my dark yukiness has just begun.
I remember at the beginning of the internship, I wanted God to make me be like Paul who wrote these words to Timothy:
15Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.
(1 Timothy 1:15-16)
us Chi-town girls
I was wary that I would walk away from the internship full of youthful zeal and pride, speak to people with "thees" and "thous" and make others feel like dirty sinners. I knew that I have a tendency to be judgmental and prideful. God knew all of this of course (that know it all! Hahaha) and I'm blessed to say that I'm leaving the internship defeated just right. I now am just starting on the journey of realizing how sinful and wretched I am and just how deep of a hole i dug for myself, and just how low Jesus is willing to go help me out because He loves me that much.
These last few months of the internship God has been moving me in how much more committed He is to my success than I am. Before i would worry so much of getting off track with God, which isn't a wrong issue to be concerned about. But I lack so much, so so much deep understanding of just how committed, how faithful and loyal He is. How loud He is cheering on the sidelines for me to go the right way. Though outwardly I felt that I fought to know His will, to do what is right, inwardly I did not trust how He leads at all. Unconsciously I rebelled against His good intents. I wanted to fill all my time with noise i.e. music, friends, shopping, starbucks coffee....so there would be no silence for me to feel the deep hunger pain i had inside for something real which I would never be able to find for myself. My only way of attaining it is to sit in front of God, be silent and let Him be God. Basically "be still and know that I am God." That silence is painful i tell ya! It's so much easier to get up and sedate that pain with something i can obtain by my own will. But He heard the small “yes” in my heart, and brought me here to sit at His feet and lavish me with His love until I let Him into my darkness.
Just last week I was in the prayer room wrestling with God. He wanted to come into my darkness and I didn’t want Him to. I knew that He already knows how much crap was stored up in there. I asked Him, “why do you want to come in even though you already know how bad it is in here.” He replied, “because you’re in there Sunny and I want to bring you out. You don’t belong in there.” After that I just broke down and cried.
There’s still so much of me that wants to earn His favor. I think being a Christian would be much easier if we could earn our salvation. It makes sense to us human beings who like to earn stuff on our own rather than be simple “given” great things. I don’t understand God’s logic at all. He gives us so much even when He already knows how we’ll take advantage of Him. He gave the world His Son, entrusted two human beings to raise and cloth Him only to be killed by those who knew His Word and followed all the religious laws the best. What the heck is that about? Help me understand because You don’t make sense to me.
Slowly I’ve beginning to realize just how much I live as a pauper even though Jesus has paid my way, and I’ve said I’ve be adopted into God’s family. I still hold onto the word’s lies that weigh me down, rather than take up the yoke that is light. Ahhh……hey at least I have God on my side guiding my dim mind toward Him…just as long as I say “yes”, let go and die…He’ll lead me to His streams of living water, wash me clean, and draw me close to His heartbeat.
“Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, and I shall be innocent of great transgression” (Psalm 19:12-13)
“Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom” (Psalm 52:6-written just after Nathan confronts David about Bathesheba and David repents)
me and Dave Sliker's beautiful daughter Lauren
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| beautiful song just had to share it with you all:
"there's a harp in my heart
and only You can play it
there's a song in my broken soul
and only You can sing it
You're so unpredictable God
just like the rhythm
the rhythm of weeping
and my life is still so upsidedown
but you keep on coming
coming around
You keep on loving when I still let You down...."
Harp of My Heart
by: Kevin Prosch
from the Album: Palanquin | | |
| God's taken me on a huge journey these past few months. He is so kind and gentle, never pushy with me. If I was God, i think no one would follow me or believe in my religion because i'll be so pushy and aggressive. There's so much i want to share, there always is and there always will be. But sometimes...you just gotta let it go and just pray that others will be blessed through whatever God puts on my hear to share.
It's really late right now...i haven't had time to really post anything. Next week will be the last week of our internship....which is called "FUN WEEK." Things that have been preoccuping my time:
1. moving into my new place here in Kansas City. It's just a few minutest from IHOP.
2. painting my new room...so it will no longer be bright purple but mustard yellow with a faux finish. i put on the first coat of white today...i think i breathed in too much fumes..pray for me hahah
3. packing up my stuff in the internship apartments and moving everything to the house.
4. if I got into FMA or not, what God TV wants me to do....
5. thinking about raising support
6. last and certainly not least....God's showing me how "dark" i am....how i don't want to let Him in and love me. it's a life long journey i tell you. you never will truly get it until we die or get our resurrected bodies. God's showing me just how much i want to do everything on my own and leave Him out of my life. I want to fix up my heart and give it to Him when it's perfected. But He wants me to let Him in, include Him on the journey. Let Him be my redeemer rather than use my weak hands to fix something that i will never be able to fix on my own. I don't know if this all makes sense...i'm getting tired...goodnight sweet people | | |
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